Missed Connection. 

CVS Pharmacy / Grocery Store, Williamsburg, Brooklyn. About 7:15pm. 

You: Cute girl, short, light brown hair, at self check out. You were buying shampoo.

Me: The guy in the jacket at self checkout buying a gallon of milk, tube of Pringles, a can of ravioli, some peanuts, toothpaste and a stuffed puppy toy I couldn’t not buy, because it has really silly eyes. You may remember I paid only with change, and put in so many nickels that the CVS employee had to come empty the change thing so I could put in the rest of my nickels. 

You glanced over, I smiled, and you gave me a wry, “you shouldn’t be out in public like this,” face.

If interested, reply with what breed of puppy my stuffed animal is, so I know it’s actually you. You seemed quirky.

I accidentally followed a girl into her apartment tonight. I was walking behind a cute girl, listening to the Royals game on my phone. I noticed she was cute because she was cute. I was very focused on the game and the girl took a sudden left. I just sort of went left, too. All of a sudden I noticed I was standing next to a couch, and I instinctively took my headphones out, and took my bag off and set it on the floor. I was just standing in the living room of her street-level apartment. I had taken ten or so steps into the apartment before noticing. She turned around and shrieked.  

"Well, I am sorry about this," I replied. I put my bag over my shoulder, and walked out the front door and went to K-Mart and bought some bath towels. 

This sort of incident is why I am not sure that Kansas City sports fans are ready for a good baseball team.

Got on train. Wrapped my hand around the pole. A girl wrapped her hand around the pole, right below my hand. She must have had a hang nail or something, because she leaned in and, probably mistaking my hand for hers, nibbled my finger. Nibbled it. 

In my typical smooth fashion, I replied without thinking, “Thank you.”

Cute girl after show: “You remind me of that gay roller skating guy from TV!”

Me: “Oh thanks! Nick Swardson? That guy is really funny.”

Girl: “No I don’t know who that is. That roller skating gay guy from that TV show.”

Me: “Yeah that’s Nick Swardson. He’s a really famous comedian, the show is Reno 911!, it’s funny. Thanks.”

Girl: “No I’ve never heard of that before. You’re like that one gay roller skater.”

:pull out phone and show her picture of Nick Swardson: 

Girl: “No, I’ve never seen that guy before. I’m thinking of that one gay roller skater. I think he’s Mexican.”

I pause. 

Me: “So what’s your name? You like music?”

She walks away.